Saturday, November 3, 2012

Not remembering your death, but celebrating your life

So, not intentionally, but kinda cool. I choose to write a post today. Today, 3 years ago, Joy was taken from us. And this past weekend, on what would have been her 5th Class Reunion from Sewanee, a lot of her classmates, professors and friends gathered on the domain to pay our respects and leave a memorial for her.

We planted a tree.

For those that never met's actually pretty cool. She was a natural resources major (trees) and loved nature (trees) and recycling (trees) and the environment (more trees).

I think it was a really beautiful Sunday morning on the mountain and the most beautiful part, to me at least, was that people that haven't seen each other, spoken to each other, or even thought about each other in years, were together for one moment in time, to express their love for Joy. 

Just wanted to give a BIG thank you to everyone that funded this memorial, that attended, or that tried to make it. Special thanks to the Owens family, Eric Benjamin, Paula Whisenant, GSPST, and the lovely Barbara Banks. Thanks to the men and women that helped organize this event...I'm sure Joy is so proud of all of us coming together.

Speaking of Sewanee, it was great. I mean absolutely incredible. I have to admit I had a little (lot) of anxiety returning to the mountain after being away for so long, but I loved it. So much fun to see my family, friends, my classmates and meet the next generations of leaders on campus. Hard to believe that time came and went so quickly, and sometimes even harder to say goodbye to relationships, the people you met and the person that you were.  I believe I've grown as a person, but the coolest thing to see was people that you practically grew up with have grown just as much as you, if not more.

The Next Generation

Some things never change

Ellie and Ari reunited again!

The Bruhs

And now...we dance

I loved meeting all my new little sisters and just reconnecting with that side of me. It's been awhile since I've seen that side in such a loooong time.

So I went to the Motor City...didn't see much or get to do much, spent most of time in the hotel, walked on the pier for a little though. Finally got through training, which was overwhelming to say the least, and I'm off for Miami on Friday.

But Lenore, don't you have to move out of your apartment? Yes.

But Lenore, have you found another yet? No

But Lenore, weren't you supposed to go apt hunting when you got back to the city this past week? Well, yes, but...there was a hurricane that hit the northeast, her name was Sandy, and from what I heard, she was nothing to play with. But since Sandy hit, I was forced to stay in North Carolina....with my beautiful niece no less (oh the horror) and postpone, briefly, my move. But since I'm back, I should really buckle down and focus. Which we all know is no small feat.

Feeling kind of alone since I've been back, and I know it's only been a couple of hours, ok a day, but I dunno, leaving Sewanee, my family, my childhood (I mean let's face it, I was a baby in college) has just hit me more being back in my apartment, than I thought it actually would affect me.

I'm just tired of crying and being sad. I mean, I know it's been 3 years since the move and since Joy passed and all these changes have been happening, most good, some not so good. But I think I'm just tired of being emotionally effected by it all. Sometimes I just don't want to feel. And truthfully, before the move and before it all, I didn't. I was an emotional rock. No tears (they were a sign of weakness) no feeling lonely (I was always with someone) no nothing.

And perhaps that wasn't the best way to live, no reacting to anything, but it's what worked for me.

And now...

Now, when I feel an emotion, one that I would prefer avoiding, I feel guilty about it because I have an amazing support system, both here in NY and all over for that matter, that I could reach out to or answer the phone when they call (sorry about that guys) and I just don't. It's in those times that I'm harshly reminded that the people I'd love to turn to either can't, won't, or are simply gone. And that's a bitter pill to swallow. But I should reach out, and I know it, but instead I just cover it all up by busying myself and 'moving forward'.

And honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing all this. I just promised you I'd be honest. And open. And that's hard. But here it is.

But enough about that dreaded "f" word...feelings, ok.

It's finally here! Episode one of the competition reality show. Click HERE for the site, behind the scenes photos, cast photos, etc. I'm not gonna tell you which team to vote for, but if you're reading my know how this goes :) May the best competitor win.

Preview of my new shots by Eli Hue of Hanser & Hue Photography

Da' Youngfellaz Video
Remember when we talked about me being a video girl? Well here's the finished video...kinda cool. I like it a lot.

Their single is available on itunes and feel free to follow them @dayoungfellaz on twitter.

Oh, and I read an awesome quote today which really felt fitting for what this post is about:

Just a country girl w a dream
"I believe that friends are the quiet angels who sit on our shoulders and lift our wings when we forget how to fly."

All my love Joy...can't wait to see you again.