Wednesday, September 29, 2010

...this ship

I had an interesting conversation with a complete stranger the other day. He told me I would never forget what he said.

He then told me this story:

Once upon a time there was a captain of a ship. (s)He was captain over a large group of (wo)men and they were going into battle. The battle was on a far away island that they'd never been to before. One they had never seen. Upon reaching the island Capt. Lenore orders all the (wo)men off the boat and onto the island. And guess what (s)he does next? (S)he burns the boat to the ground.

The men ask her...what's the plan? What are we going to do? How will we survive? What will we eat? Capt. Lenore simply says, "I don't know. There is no plan B" and walks forward.

Moral of the story?

I am the captain.

I have burned down my boat.

There is no going back. I have no idea how it will all work out.

I have no plan B. There is no other option.

Only moving forward.

Hugs...I love my city :)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Life in a Nutshell

So...did I tell ya I went home? Well I did and it was awesome. Just what I needed, just what the heart doctor prescribed. My whole fam hasn't been in the same place all together, at one time in a VERY long time. So it was just nice to experience that. Happy girl indeed.

But coming back to New York (yes, that's where I live) has been a thought-provoking process.

1. I haven't been to my Actual residence since I've gotten back. That could be for a number of I can use the internet over here, there's food here, etc. but I think the main reason is that after so much time spent with my family, I'm not ready to go home, all alone, and be by myself just yet. No, leaving this time wasn't as bad as the initial 'yank the band-aid off' separation I experienced a year ago, but at the same time, it's been forever since I'd been with my whole family. And call me sentimental but I think I cried the whole time I was home.

2. I find that when I'm home and in the south in's harder to focus on career and only career and I find that I focus more on family and making/having a family instead. Could be one of the main reasons why I moved to NY in the first place. Just saying. Career now, husband and kids can come later. Just had to keep telling myself that while I was around happily married couples and my extended fam for awhile. FOCUS!

Aside from that, everyone is healthy and happy. Which is all that matters and I have amazing people around me that love me. I am truly blessed.

OK, so that was the post I've been trying to write for about a month now. Sorry about that. What's new?

Um....I've started shooting my video bio which will go up on my website soon..hopefully, if I get myself together. That hasn't really been my focus as of my defense, some things have really been going on.

Oh...also I booked the role of a doctor in an upcoming short film. So that's exciting! And...I got an email that the feature film that I auditioned for a year ago is being pushed back again to the spring..sigh. This is the business I suppose.

Speaking of 'the business' I have been a slacker. Which is kinda one of the reasons I've started this blog. I need you guys to keep my accountable or at least I have to be accountable to you. So I've missed two auditions. Not even good reasons for missing them either. They were just early in the morning. UGH! Lame, I know. I embarrassed to even say it. But I have. And I need to do better. That's NOT going to get me where I need to be in life. And THEN on top of that I was LATE for one today. Like c'mon!!! Are you kidding me? UGH!! I was all messed up. Ended up (early) at 14th st and the audition was on 45th. So by the time I got there I was late. And then I messed up! My head was clearly all jacked up and it showed. It really showed. I'm so mad at myself. I wanna say it had something to do with the weather (rainy and gross) but it's all on me. Get up and go to the audition. I have another one tonight so hopefully I can redeem myself. UGH!

Ok...say something good about yourself.

Well I'm becoming (minus today) more fearless in my auditions. Like seriously, I tend to stay in the background and don't really say much when I'm in an uncomfortable situation. And trust me. Audition rooms can definitely be uncomfortable at times. For example. And I take some of the blame for this on...shoulda done better research. But I got a casting for an audition for a feature and it said it needed Latin-American actors. And I'm not sure if you've seen me but I can pass for Latin-and I speak Spanish. So I assumed I would be ok to go to the audition (note to research if that's the ONLY info you have on a casting) So I get there and it's like a family reunion for all Latin actors in NY...everyone knew each other and EVERYONE was a native Spanish speaker! Like are you kidding me!! So I'm the underdog AND the outcast. Weird. Then the director wouldn't take my headshot and resume..and then they skipped me in the sign-in list REPEATEDLY! Usually (like before I started doing this full-time) I would have left...which I really wanted to do but my baby sis made me stay! Anywho...I ended up doing a very good job but I haven't heard anything...but it made me feel good on the inside. good thing about me so I stop beating myself up...fearless. Work in progress.

Things I didn't blog about:

Fashion Night Out-super week in NYC is like no where else in the world.

Going to Philly to audition for an agency-total scam...they wanted $3500 in order to sign with!!! Get outta town.

Saw "Inception" and "Our Family Wedding" and "Takers"-my fave was "Wedding" perhaps because I love weddings and Lance Gross and America Ferrera so recipe for fun!

That's about it...for now it is.
Until next time.