Thursday, December 16, 2010
Couple of super fantastic things happened.
1. I was at an intimate kinda-like listening party for Tank tonight (who is breathlessly amazing. Like all around talented. Funny, handsome, clever, piano-playing-chocolateness) I was sooooo impressed.
2. KimberlyNichole was the MC, whom I love and see randomly all throughout the city. (It's so cool when I see people I know at events. It makes me feel good about myself)
3. I saw Keshawn at the same event. (refer to #2)
4. Then I went to BBKings for the first time ever with a huge group of friends...kinda randomly to see The Roots perform. (and they're simply amazing).
5. They brought out John Legend.
7. The Cast of Fela.
8. Patti Labelle (I almost peed myself)
9. It was free (I did have to stand in the cold for like 20 hours to get in tho-pure exaggeration but you get my drift)
10. I met the most fantastic director whom I have been twitter stalking for some time now-Matthew A. Cherry. And when I say stalking I mean legit stalking. Like know pretty much everything he tweets. I even facebook friended him cuz I love his work. And I don't know, I've just always felt like I was going to work with him at some point (call me crazy but a few months ago I even tweeted that to him)
IDK, I'm actually kind of proud of myself for speaking to him in the first place cuz I usually don't just randomly talk to people that I don't know/stalk and I did tonight so that was stepping outta my comfort zone a little (lot). I think the thing that inspires me most about him (and take this with a grain of salt cuz I don't even know this man) is that he's from Chicago and he's living the dream. He's making it happen for himself...and I've seen like all his projects...I probably scared him off telling him his life story tonight but...it just inspires me to chase my dreams just a little bit harder and a little bit faster...the same that he is.
So off my industry crush...I feel like my tv show is coming sooner than later...fingers crossed prayers prayed (it's gonna happen) meeting the right people, saying the right stuff, and being true to who I am so it has to happen SOON! I believe! More on that later tho.
That's all for now...all that musical talent tonight has left me speechless. I experience people living their dreams tonight and for that I'm forever grateful.
As the clock approaches 4 am...it's time to shut my eyes...my dreams will be there in the morning :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I was talking to him today after I left shooting a really minor scene, kinda as a favor/paying it forward/networking and he asked me how I felt. And honestly there's no other feeling like the one I get when I'm on set doing what I love. You always hear people talking about when you do what you love it never feels like work...well I've found mine. It's all I want to do. When I'm performing it feels like I'm fulfilling my purpose on this planet...doing what I was called to do. I've never felt like that with anything else...and I don't feel that way about anything else...and I'm not gonna keep searching either...I've found it and I've gotta hold onto it.
It makes me happy...it's my happy place. And for right now that's all I'm focusing on.
Um..ordered new head shots today and FINALLY ordered some postcards (even though I've been saying that I was gonna order some for like the last past YEAR) procrastination has GOT TO GO!! And that's why I just went ahead and got them. And I got a really great deal on them too.
Thanksgiving has come and gone and I'm completely thankful...my life is a miracle and where I am in life and with myself and mentally, physically, and emotionally is simply a blessing from above.
I ran into an old friend when I went home...and I couldn't get past the fact that he was still talking about the same stuff we were talking about 2 years ago. I was a little surprised...it got to the point that I could kinda tell what he was going to say next because he had said the same thing 2 years ago. I honestly feel a little bad for him because the person he met two years ago and the person I am today are 2 completely different people. Some for good and some for bad...but different...changed...progressing. Not still complaining about the same situation and stuff that I was complaining and talking about 2 years ago. I think people get comfortable and think they have no way out...when that just can't be true. There's always another option.
Maybe I'm just preaching but...bust a move. You don't like something, change it. You gonna complain about it and not do anything then go talk to somebody else. That's kinda rude and I'd never say that to a friend but I have an amazing ability to stop listening, pick a point on your face and just stare at it.
That's so mean.
So my best friend went to India today...I hope she has an amazing time...kinda weird for her to go so far away with no one but the Lord with her but it's a great experience.
OH!! So I'm (we) are writing a new web-series which...honestly is hilarious (at least I think so) I never considered myself a writer and the whole process is really interesting. I'll keep ya posted on it. It should be a lot of fun and a lot of hard work but that's what I appreciate. This is what I want so I have to work hard for it. And I'm ready.
OMG!!! So this post is taking forever! But I took a long break why? Cuz I'm no longer sleeping on the floor :) I mean technically I was never actually sleeping on the floor! But NOW I'm really not...kind of a new experience (even though I've been sleeping on beds since forever) but I think it was so easy for me to take things for granted...and clearly I don't do that anymore! I'm truly grateful...life for real. For the little things. I think that's what this experience is teaching me. Be grateful, be humble, cuz everything is a blessing. For some reason I pray really hard before each meal...I'd never done that before...until it was a point I didn't really know what I was gonna eat and lived on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and water to get by. So now when I bless my food I'm truly thankful...for the money to buy the food and for what I'm about to eat. Weird but like I said...you learn in the valley and that's where I am...but I have a thankful heart and I know I'll be at my mountain top soon...with a tv show :)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It's simple. Basically, God gave it to me.
And I'm not kidding. Literally, fell out of the sky, into my lap because He knew I needed and wanted me to meet certain people and have something to do creatively when Joy passed.
A more detailed version of it goes like this:
I saw a casting for a young 16 year old daughter for a play that was based in the church (uh duh...I could play that with my eyes closed), innocent, smart..etc. And I submitted for it last summer when I used to buy Backstage...I didn't hear anything back from them.
When I finally decided to move here, I was invited to a birthday party for a casting director and I reluctantly agreed...this casting director and I started talking and eventually he told me he was casting a show that he thought I would be perfect for. He even showed me the picture of the lady that would play my mom and said we looked alike (we do). Now...this is hindsight, but still. the playwright/director of the show was actually at the party but she came after I left. Two other members of the cast were at the party too, but I didn't know them.
Moving on, I send my info to the casting director and he calls me in for an audition that week, I knew I did a good job so I wasn't surprised when they called me back for a call back. At this callback is when I met crazy, JJB, who would stay in my life forever! That's besides the point, he and I did our scene together and I felt really good about it. I knew the casting director, the director liked me (I could just tell) and JJB and I hit it off on stage. I was feeling really good about the show until about a week later, everyone received notification about their part except me. (Remember the moving men from an earlier post...two of them I actually met during the auditions and we've stayed close til this day-ain't that sweet?)
Anywho, so I was kinda bummed about not getting the role but something inside me wouldn't let it go. Every time my phone rang I just thought it was the director calling me and telling me I got the part-even after they had gone into rehearsals and someone else was cast. Until finally the exact same scenario that I kept playing over and over in my head, became my reality. Some people got shifted around, and I ended up with my role. It's seriously true...the favor of God is on my life. I can't explain it, I can't tell you why he's chosen me but he has...and let me tell ya-I APPRECIATE IT! PLEASE DON'T LET IT STOP!
I had an amazing time onstage at the Billie Holiday Theater last year...it was one of the greatest, most tragic, busiest, most extreme times of my life and I will never forget it. But the reason I'm bringing it up tonight is because it just won SEVEN AUDELCO AWARDS TONIGHT! Can you believe it??!?! Seven, like seven actual awards for one production! Who does that!??!
Yvette Heyliger- Best Playwright
Patrice Davidson-Set Design
Yvonne Farrow-Lead Actress in a Dramatic Role
Jerome Preston Bates-Lead Actor in a Dramatic Role
Johnnie Mae-Best Supporting Actress
Jamil AC Mangan-Best Supporting Actor
And The Billie Holiday Theater for best production of the year.
Like, the crazy part about it is, that my very first play is a multiple award winning show! What? Like for real? Ok God, I know you love me and you want me to be prosperous and live a great life but you're just spoiling me with this one. My first show and I'm working with people that have done some incredible stuff...I'm slightly in awe and sometimes have to remind myself that I am indeed living this life. It's a crazy, hectic one at times but I guess I"m off to a great start if the first show I'm apart of wins 7 awards in one night, in case I didn't mention it.
I'm excited to see what the future holds...I would love my next post to be about a fantastic role on a new television series so fingers crossed and prayers prayed ok...if God can give me this show (that won...ok I think you got it) and I wasn't even originally cast...then I'm sure he can pour out more roles for me. I'm excited and I"m inspired by the work that my fellow actors have done
Much love tonight,
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Him-"I don't want to have kids because there's no guarantee that parents will stay together."
Are you serious? Did those words truly just come out of your mouth? I'm so outdone.
True indeed 72% of black children are born to single mothers...but the reason that you don't want to produce life is because you're afraid to fail at a successful marriage?
I would have had a lot more respect for what came out of this brother's mouth if his reasoning had been a little more-well smarter-perhaps for medical reasons (not wanting to pass on an illness), selfish reasons (he doesn't want to parent because he wants all the focus on himself-forever) I would even accept that one. Because that's a lot more honest and fair to the child. But to say I don't want to parent a well educated, responsible child is because I'm afraid I will be like 50% of people that get married is, I"m sorry, but a bit ridiculous. I think I would understand (still think bad thoughts about him) if he said I don't want to get married because of this statistic. But to base his decision on the mere fact that people that really shouldn't be having children are, and driving up the negative statistic, is a bit baffling.
Why not be the change he wants to see in the world? Make his son or daughter in the 28% of children and stay with his wife? Why not want something DIFFERENT for your kids that what other families have? Why not commit yourself to being the best father that you can and BE THERE for your child? Don't cop out...don't blame a statistic as to the reason why you do or do not do something. If our ancestors had that same mentality, we would all still be in chains picking cotton! Christopher Columbus would still be in Spain. Barack Obama would still be in Chicago. And Michael Jordan would be in North Carolina somewhere.
Perhaps I'm a little sensitive and it's not that deep but this issue really irritated me. Perhaps because I get annoyed when people complain and quit over silly things. The career choice, shoot my whole life choice in general, is about the craziest one that I could have come up with.
An Actress AND a commercial and print model?!!!? Really? Because only a handful of people want to do that. Not that there aren't about 20,000 NEW people PER YEAR attempting to get into the entertainment industry....did I say PER YEAR? Many of them with BAs in theater, film, tv...some graduating from MFA programs around the country. Then factor in how many people from overseas want to throw themselves into the pool. Then, oh lest we forget, the singers, models, reality stars and athletes that want to take their stab at film, tv, and whatever else they can snap up. Cuz these numbers aren't daunting at all.
And this man just said, he can't raise a child because why? I forgot the reason cuz it was so stupid.
Just because someone failed at something doesn't mean that I'm going to. I will not judge myself or anyone else based off what someone else has or has not done. You've gotta live your life for you. Do what you think is necessary for YOUR personal survival. That's what I plan to do...live life for Lenore...freely, fearlessly, COERLESSLY. I think you should do the same for yourself.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
He then told me this story:
Once upon a time there was a captain of a ship. (s)He was captain over a large group of (wo)men and they were going into battle. The battle was on a far away island that they'd never been to before. One they had never seen. Upon reaching the island Capt. Lenore orders all the (wo)men off the boat and onto the island. And guess what (s)he does next? (S)he burns the boat to the ground.
The men ask her...what's the plan? What are we going to do? How will we survive? What will we eat? Capt. Lenore simply says, "I don't know. There is no plan B" and walks forward.
Moral of the story?
I am the captain.
I have burned down my boat.
There is no going back. I have no idea how it will all work out.
I have no plan B. There is no other option.
Only moving forward.
Hugs...I love my city :)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Aside from that, everyone is healthy and happy. Which is all that matters and I have amazing people around me that love me. I am truly blessed.
OK, so that was the post I've been trying to write for about a month now. Sorry about that. What's new?
Um....I've started shooting my video bio which will go up on my website soon..hopefully, if I get myself together. That hasn't really been my focus as of late...in my defense, some things have really been going on.
Oh...also I booked the role of a doctor in an upcoming short film. So that's exciting! And...I got an email that the feature film that I auditioned for a year ago is being pushed back again to the spring..sigh. This is the business I suppose.
Speaking of 'the business' I have been a slacker. Which is kinda one of the reasons I've started this blog. I need you guys to keep my accountable or at least I have to be accountable to you. So I've missed two auditions. Not even good reasons for missing them either. They were just early in the morning. UGH! Lame, I know. I embarrassed to even say it. But I have. And I need to do better. That's NOT going to get me where I need to be in life. And THEN on top of that I was LATE for one today. Like c'mon!!! Are you kidding me? UGH!! I was all messed up. Ended up (early) at 14th st and the audition was on 45th. So by the time I got there I was late. And then I messed up! My head was clearly all jacked up and it showed. It really showed. I'm so mad at myself. I wanna say it had something to do with the weather (rainy and gross) but it's all on me. Get up and go to the audition. I have another one tonight so hopefully I can redeem myself. UGH!
Ok...say something good about yourself.
Well I'm becoming (minus today) more fearless in my auditions. Like seriously, I tend to stay in the background and don't really say much when I'm in an uncomfortable situation. And trust me. Audition rooms can definitely be uncomfortable at times. For example. And I take some of the blame for this on...shoulda done better research. But I got a casting for an audition for a feature and it said it needed Latin-American actors. And I'm not sure if you've seen me but I can pass for Latin-and I speak Spanish. So I assumed I would be ok to go to the audition (note to self...do research if that's the ONLY info you have on a casting) So I get there and it's like a family reunion for all Latin actors in NY...everyone knew each other and EVERYONE was a native Spanish speaker! Like are you kidding me!! So I'm the underdog AND the outcast. Weird. Then the director wouldn't take my headshot and resume..and then they skipped me in the sign-in list REPEATEDLY! Usually (like before I started doing this full-time) I would have left...which I really wanted to do but my baby sis made me stay! Anywho...I ended up doing a very good job but I haven't heard anything...but it made me feel good on the inside.
Anywho...so good thing about me so I stop beating myself up...fearless. Work in progress.
Things I didn't blog about:
Fashion Night Out-super fun...fashion week in NYC is like no where else in the world.
Going to Philly to audition for an agency-total scam...they wanted $3500 in order to sign with them..um!!! Get outta town.
Saw "Inception" and "Our Family Wedding" and "Takers"-my fave was "Wedding" perhaps because I love weddings and Lance Gross and America Ferrera so recipe for fun!
That's about it...for now it is.
Until next time.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Anywho, few quick things...yesterday I shot my first real commercial. Well I use the term 'real' loosely but it was paid (barely) and there was a director and a crew and a cool cast. The home that we shot in was sick tho, just sick. But anyway, I realized then the importance of having 1 set leader calling all the shots. IDK what my future holds but if ever called to be the leader, the best way to be is very clear about expectations and the only one in charge. If not, it confuses and sucks for the other people. But I'm trying not to have a bad attitude about yesterday or saying negative (remember me trying to stay positive) so I choose not to say anything. Hopefully I can post something from it soon. I know everyone wants to talk about the shoot and how it went and wanna know the details of the day but it just puts me back in my angry upset place. So I've made the choice not talk about it anymore.
Silver lining of the day: made some new actor friends. They were awesome. Fun to hang with.
OHHH also my film is screening on Monday! That's a happy thought.
"Pour Aimer, Encore" will screen 8/30/10 peep the trailer here ->http://vimeo.com/11516645 & RSVP here -> http://bit.ly/cl4IWUAnd here's the link to big brother Joe Land's write-up about the film:
I just copied that from the writer/director's page...cool dude. This experience has been incredible. Can't believe it's actually happening. Kinda nervous. It's a very surreal moment. Watching yourself as a character in a production. First time I saw it I think I was holding onto Emil's arm and holding my breath the whole time. Funny but true. So we'll see how Monday goes. I might pass out for lack of oxygen. There will be a lot of people there. People I know. People I invited. Crazy!
Oh and also, no...have not secured employment (full-time) still acting for food. But I really enjoy watching Trey Songz reality show on bet.com...I never really was a Trey fan until I watched it, but the way his career is going right now is the way I want mine to go. I simply admire his drive, energy and ambition. Night before last was the first night I went without sleep and still had to get up and perform the next day...it was hard as crap but I learned something about myself.
1. Coffee is magic.
2. When it's been too long without sleep I become sooo irritable and don't wanna talk to anyone.
3. That when it's something I wanna do I will sacrifice everything for it (sleep included) to get what I want done...like Diddy...my energy and creativity will fuel me. (Not forever tho...girl's gotta rest a bit)
4. That I actually kinda liked it. Made me feel like I was really doing something, sowing good seeds into my career. Made me feel good and tired all at the same time. I'd do it again (hopefully for a huge role that pays me bagillions of dollars! But I'd do it for something smaller tho.
Oh and ALSO....I'm learning new things out about myself. I think I'm becoming a writer. I'm not saying I'm that good at it yet, but I proved to myself that I could actually do it and if I keep at it, I'm sure I'll get better. But I'll tell u about that project later when it starts really coming together. I'm gonna try and find that Will Smith video that's really inspirational so u guys can see it. I think I need to listen to it again anyway...feeling a little low today but idk why.
Until next time,
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Also thanks to Daryl, Emil, Erik, and Alvin...timing was a little off but more than willing to lend a hand. I am forever grateful.
Woke up early to go pick up the truck/meet JB at the train stop so we could go together, met with a surprise...he brought help! MD was such an addition to the packing day...he packed the mess outta the 10' truck. Fun times at the Uhaul place..special shout-out to my customer service rep Moe who was very helpful and nice...JB video blogged the whole day so you'll see her soon.
Three of us rode effortlessly, I lied, we got kinda stopped twice. First time cuz we weren't allowed on this overpass thingy and the second time cuz YOU CAN'T DRIVE A UHAUL TRUCK ON THE WESTSIDE HWY! That was annoying. Btw Manhattan Bridge has no toll.
Anyway so we get to my place and AC is already there and waiting and the guys get to work. I mean they cleaned out my room so super fast it was quite impressive. While they were loading, I was cleaning and doing the last minute closing boxes...the joy of being a girl! No heavy lifting for this one! Which apparently was a really nice thing to do bc my ex-roomie sent me a text saying she'd never had anyone clean up behind themselves before. Pat-on-back LC!
Then. It started to rain.
Then. When we got to BK...miraculously it stopped. Like for real, not a cloud in the sky. Thanks God for that one! So the guys immediately got to work unloading the truck (fyi...uhaul only gave my 4 hours to get this whole move done before I had to bring the truck back...kinda whack cuz they said I had it for a whole day when I talked to them on the phone...so if you do it online, don't click the box for the recommended 4 hours...they tricked me) but anyway. We got the truck back at like 2:30...and there was traffic and I had to put gas in the truck.
After that it was simply feeding the crew..they were famished and then they headed out. I was super sad...super. It was too much. But SPJ was still there to help me out with unpacking things (don't think I"m finished for a minute!) I had to go get a fan tho...no central air and I was hot! Oh and also, I'm sleeping on the floor! Well not really but yeah I kinda am. So there's a really narrow and low part to get into my apt and my box spring wouldn't fit...UGH! So yeah...basically sleeping on a mattress, on a rug, on the floor. But I've been saying for like a year that I need a new mattress and I feel like this is just the time for me to get one cuz I probably would have just kept procrastinating (which I do well) and not taking care of it. Which if I really think about it I've been saying for about a year how cool it would be to move to BK and live in a house and have a backyard, etc but just never did it. No motivation/incentive to pack up (ugh...u know I hate it) and move outta my comfort zone to a place I know nothing about. (Thanks for the push God...gave me no way out eh? That's cool)
Which is fine...do what you have to to get the job done. It could be 10 times worse...ie the mattress not fitting either...THEN I woulda been screwed! But I've not had central air before (camp 105 degrees) and I've had to sleep on a mattress/the actual ground before...so I am not complaining. It's just funny! And two...I can't have a housewarming cuz uh...my bed is on the floor!
Overall tho...cool experience for the most part.
It's funny the things you find and the things you remember when you're moving...old pictures, earrings you've lost, etc. And also gives you a chance to donate/clean out your closet of the stuff you don't wear/need/raggedy/etc (sorry parents....the suits are gone) that I have been putting off for months (again...procrastinate thing I told you about) What stood out to me most tho was that this was the first move without the fam. I mean my friends that helped me yesterday are truly one of a kind special and like family..but you know what I mean...all other times...dad has been in charge. He throws all my stuff on the back of his truck with the strength of 10 men and off we go. Or my sister and brother. Never, I mean never have I had to do this without them. And honestly, it kinda made me sad. Not sad enough to move back to Ga :) but sad to know that I may have had the last time that that was going to be in my life and they were gonna be there. And I didn't even know that it was the last time. I guess I"m kinda just sentimental now and really nostalgic for home...glad I get to see the fam jam in like a month tho...it's been too long. Not to mention mentally and physically drained. This summer has really kicked my butt. Like seriously. Completely drained me. Happy news come soon :)
So I'm pretty much starting over...on Lenore (and Jesus) and it's a whole lot different this time. I can't help but remember the first time I moved from home....that was college...whole family was there...(dad and the truck, remember) and I had the university's confidence that my housing and food would be taken care of. Next Spain...again...mom and baby sis went with...had a host family waiting on me there with shelter and food...good. Next, Romega, again...dad and his burly self and the whole fam were there, had the school I was working for providing shelter and food. Moving to NY less than a year ago...had everyone there to say goodbye and fam drove up with to help out. First time for food but I was living with someone else, so I really didn't have to think about it. This time...no dad, no burls, and basically no cushion. It seems that everyone else has been responsible for everything else since forever...furnishing apartments...I remember people just buying me stuff or giving me stuff from their homes (and raiding mom and dad's home for stuff...mom was like no! dad was like sure take it we don't use it! :)
I sound like a little girl...LOL. Guess I'm just missing being taken care of. But Sis. Marion told me the other day, "God bless the child that's got his (her) own" And now it's my turn. Altho, I still asked for stuff (ie big sis) but I haven't really, really asked for much. Gonna try and hit up craigslist and see what free stuff they have...cuz my apt is kinda bare (in my defense, all the stuff I had in GA for my apt, when I moved up here I didn't need anymore cuz I was moving into an apt that was already furnished, so I gave it all way, ie lamps, tvs, couches, shelves, kitchen stuff) so yeah....basically starting over from square one. And you don't realize all the stuff you need. For instance...that little thing that cleans the toilet...what's that called? You need it but you don't realize you need it until you don't have one! Or ice trays!!!
I guess I was just taking things for granted and not counting the cost of all the things that I did/do have. And this experience is teaching me that. Forcing me to grow up in a way I didn't think I had to/even wanted to (not gonna lie...it's great having the supportive family that I have and yeah, I'm spoiled) but I consider it a blessing. I've learned that just as much as I can count on dad and the truck and my family for support, so much more can I count on my heavenly father. Cuz I'm spoiled. He hasn't let me down. He makes sure that my needs are met...most times thru my loving family and friends. It's simply character building time I suppose...and yes pardon me, I may kick and scream, but in the end I know it'll all be worth it.
I guess if I had to say one word that describes where I am it's simply that I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my new place (which isn't as small as I thought it was) I'm thankful for my moving buddies, thankful for my family and friends that cover me in prayer, and thankful for what's to come. I wait in anticipation. There must be a reason for all of this. I wonder what it is.
Just as a disclaimer: This will NOT happen to me again! That's also what I take from this experience. If the same circumstance arises again...I will be a little more ready, willing and able to face it without so much uncertainty, fear, and stress.
Pix to come :)
...not of the new place...it's still a disaster zone.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Which actually works out well for me. It's a place all by myself (altho we all know I'm really only home to sleep and change clothes) and it's in a house..with a little backyard that we can bbq in and grow stuff if you want (I don't...can't do garden work) and I affectionately refer to it as "The Phone Booth" cuz it's tinsy tiny and I don't wanna call it a bat cave anymore cuz that seems negative...but the phone booth works cuz it reminds me of the goal I'm chasing and when and how to use my superwoman powers for good (again...I only change clothes there...get it)
But the landlords are super sweet and he looked over all my craziness and took a leap of faith with me...I"m eternally grateful! That all being said, thank you for the lists of apts you sent me, the prayers that you prayed, and the ears that you lent when I was freaking out and calling myself homeless :)
He didn't bring me this far to leave me...just sayin...if He'll do it for me...you know the rest. I don't plan to live there forever but it works for now and gives me a chance to experience Brooklyn in a way I kinda secretly always wanted to.
That being said I am starting COMPLETELY over...it's not as gut-wrenching as my move from C'ton...cuz I cried for hours...but it's leaving my safety-net...all the friends I know (well for the most part) live in the city...I know 2 people in BK...like two. So it's like being the new kid on the block...literally...and I'm not gonna be in denial...BK is a hike for the fam jam that stays in Harlem....But mama says this is an adventure and it certainly is.
I've noticed that the things that make me nervous/scared have turned out to be some of my greatest experiences. I'm supposed to learn something/get something outta this experience..haven't quite figured it out yet. Anywho, God is Good and Life is certainly Good...that was the message from church on Sunday....
So Sunday...I will officially be a Brooklynite...my address will actually say Brooklyn in it. Weird. But it should be a good look for me. I just hope my friends will visit :)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Nope...haven't become a full-time actress with international commercial ads yet.
Nope...still taking the subway to and from work and class each day.
Nope...didn't get a million dollars and all my money trouble go away yet.
Nope...haven't booked my TV show yet.
So what gives? What's new? What happened? What changed?
My situation still looks the same...facing homelessness, instability about the future, and still unsure. But my attitude! My attitude is completely different this week. Last week I was all stressed out, being mean, and just simply down in the dumps about EVERYTHING...but I realized I was so unhappy. So instead of focusing on the hole, I'll focus on the donut :)
Silly analogy but I think u get my point. I was so busy freaking out about what I didn't have and how everything was going wrong and worrying about how everything is going to fall into place that I forgot. I forgot about the things that I do have.
A job...so really Lenore, you're not broke u just need to budget better.
An amazing support of family and friends (who have all sent me apts to look at, arranged movers to help me, volunteered to come and help, etc)
And faith in God that it will all get better.
At this point I think it's all funny! Life is so crazy at times I just have to laugh. My situation really and truly isn't THAT bad. It could be 10 times worse, I could be 10 times worse off. So I've decided to have a better attitude about everything. And recognize my godwinks as they come (they've been coming lately and all I can do is smile) and laugh at my circumstances.
Like really, did he bring me this far to leave me homeless?
I sincerely doubt that. There must be a reason. There has to be something I'm supposed to get out of it.
Maybe I'm supposed to learn budgeting/saving better? I mean things like this does happen and I should be prepared. I mean if I can't handle the money I do have...how's it gonna work when you make millions doing films, etc?
Anyway, I'm a happy girl and I laugh all the time. Not to say I don't get overwhelmed at times and feel like all the walls are closing in. But even when that happens I start to count all the things I"m doing at once and laugh at how it all, idk how, but it all gets done somehow. And I do all the things well! My plate is not full. It's filled with a lot but it's not full...I bet I could squeeze a few more things on there if the need called for it (dear Jesus...I'm not asking for that, I'm just saying I could).
I'm growing. I'm maturing. I'm still looking for an apt (so if you know something, let me know) And thru it all, I'm standing and I'm smiling.
Speaking of smiling.
Yesterday I had an audition. And GUESS WHAT!!! You know those bras that can change their straps and go different ways? Well I wore one of those yesterday and I guess I was being too silly and moving around too much (I got to the audition early and kinda started dancing before it cuz I was bored and needed to loosen up...it made me laugh) ANYWAY!! They call my name for my turn and THE STRAP COMES ALOOSE!! I couldn't believe it...and there was no way to fix it cuz the hallway was filled with guys and girls that were waiting and the casting guy was looking at me to come in. Ugh!! All I could do was laugh! Talk about being free in an audition!! I was free in more ways than one :)
But they both said I gave a great read so we'll see how that turns out, I"ll keep ya posted. It was so funny! That's all I have for ya now.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
There's actually a song by Garth Brooks (closet country music fan over here) I'll post the song in a minute, with a really cool line
...just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
I really need to remind myself (more often) that there is a plan...I am making steps in the right direction and just because I don't have the answer that I want, right now, does not mean it won't get answered or that I won't be happy ultimately. I may be bummed out that I didn't get the role, or get the meeting but I trust that there is a plan...God hears me and wants the best for me..even if I don't always understand.
Cool quotes from the book:
All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.
Count is all joy when you fall into various trails knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience"
God's winks are messages to the living , not to those who have gone ahead.
God is putting his hand on your shoulder, consoling you, letting you know that our existence is not a continuum but a circle, and connections to loved ones are never lost.
Everything is going to be okay.
Someday you will be up against a wall, and God will make himself known to you at that time.
Then and there, prayer will become a fact of life in your life.
God is a God of second chances.
Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them
All you have to do is ask Jesus.
Get down on your knees and thank God you are still on your feet.
Terrible things happen to everyone. Sooner or later, we all have to walk through the valley.
If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Leave your baggage behind and get onto your life's path, on a quest for your destiny. Your destiny will not come to you. You need to go to it. And this I promise: the godwinks will be there to guide you.
It's never too late to be what you might have been.
Your direction toward your destiny will never be altered, and your course will never be corrected if you are still sitting by the side of the road. You must stay in motion-and stay alert for God's winks.
Not until they put their hands on the steering wheels of their lives, and struck out toward their purpose, did extraordinary godwinks begin to unfold.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Only bad part about it is that I had to miss class yesterday (you know how I feel about commitments and me taking my work seriously) and feel like I really missed a lot yesterday. There's nothing I can do about it now but move on...but I still think about it. NO MORE MISSING CLASS!! I feel like a slacker and I'm in catch-up mode. Whatever.
Oh and ALSO..UGH...NYC has another strike against it. First strike is the winter...sorry but really cold weather sucks unless you're on vacation. And the second strike is NOT HAVING A WASHER/DRYER IN YOUR APARTMENT!! That by far is something that I simply cannot get used to. Call my stuck-up, spoiled, whatever! But carrying clothes to the laundromat is annoying, purely and simply.
Things I learned last Tuesday from washing clothes:
1. Always check the weather report BEFORE you start your loads. It was NOT fun bringing clean clothes back to my apt with an umbrella around them and me.
2. It costs about $20 to do all my clothes (I wait awhile to do it so I have huge piles) I didn't know this before.
3. I can just take out what I need in little Ziploc baggies in stead of carrying the WHOLE BOX OF LAUNDRY DETERGENT BACK AND FORTH! That made my life a little bit easier.
4. NO. I do NOT want your help dirty nasty man with my laundry. Clean or dirty I don't' want you to touch it. Please don't try and hit on a person when they're sweating hauling laundry back and forth...that can get you cussed out. I'm just sayin. And also, I just don't like people to touch my dirty clothes or move them from the wash to the dryer...it seems so personal to me.
5. I just don't like it. I just don't. I want a place with the machines in it. (gonna add that to the vision board)
That's about it for now.
Oh! Craziest thing happened to me today (disclaimer...my older sis sent me a book excerpt from a new book she's gonna send me called When God Winks at You which I loved and it talks about coincidences-which I don't believe in-and how those are really winks from God that he's showing you he's thinking of you and it's gonna be ok) and so I've been more open to recognizing and appreciating my God winks. And I got another one today! I was standing in the middle of Manhattan -34th and 8th-and a lady walked by and said "You were great last night" I immediately said thank you and smiled. I believe that that was God's way of telling me that I'm on the right track..I'm doing what he wants me to do, and I'm where I'm supposed to be. Maybe I was supposed to miss class last night and it's gonna be ok. In the busy city in the world (ok maybe not) a random person walks by (there were only like 5 people in the theater last night for real) and she sees me? Coincidence? I think not. I was grateful. And the funny part about it is that I received a godwink right after Joy passed and didn't even know it. But I recognize it now...and again, I'm grateful.I guess that wasn't all for then...but really...that's all for now.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
excited, nervous, and a little confused.
Excited-I think I realy did a good job. And I think that's a good
thing for me to be able to admit. I can admit when I suck. I'm
learning to admit when I do something good. And tonight I did. My
partner and I went last. An what's funny is that during rehearsal I
thought he was overacting and not telling the truth and that our group
wasn't gonna b that great. But after my teacher told him the same
thing, he was incredible! I was so proud to be his partner. Like for
real. It was a treat for me to experience and I was there with him! It
was like he and I were the only two (aside from our teacher screaming
at us) in the room. I want that feeling again. And soon.
Nervous-was tonight a fluke? Or do I kinda have some skill? Will I be
able to do as good of a job next time we go up? I think a lot had to
do with the kind of day I had. It was awesome and it started this
morning, on a stage, rehearsing. I may have found something here.
Confused-(pause) I think this guy just had a complete conversation w
me on the train. But it was all n his head and mumbles. Weird. And
then when he got off he tapped the window where I was sitting. Weird-
er. (end pause) confused because I think I just got in trouble by my
teacher cuz I have to miss class on Wednesday. He was like that's a
problem cuz u accepted the show after I had committed to class. I
kinda feel like he's calling me out for not being committed which I so
am! Like 1000% to this program, the rehearsal program, and my partner.
And in the rule books that is one of the only way u can miss class is
by doing professional work. I'm kinda hurt, cuz I hate getting n
trouble, insulted, cuz I love learning and always strive to be a good
student, and mad that he doesn't understand that I am working and
doing the best I can. Like get off my back already.
Disclaimer tho he's such a good teacher. It's like sickening to watch.
Alas. It's bday weekend time. Gotta put on yet another cape (cuz I'm
superwoman and like to change up my capes)
All for now
Sent from my iPhone
Just saying. It's a pretty day. I was thinking about him. Wanted to
Also may I just say that today is an incredible day. Started off with
a cool email about a new project I will start in August...tell u about
And then! I got to see my newest favorite photgrapher friend Audrey.
In the heart of Manhattan, Times Square to be exact. And she gave me
my newest pix. I'll let ya see some soon.
Now I'm out shopping for friends bday gifts and my sending my dad's
father's day gift! I hope it gets there in time! Ugh! Bad daughter!
Anywho. Did I mention the weather is nice? Well it is. I was tempted
to say it's so hot. But then I changed it to "it's so beautiful
outside today". Keeping the positivity flowing.
And I always get an energy when I'm walking down 5th avenue in the
city. It just makes me really happy. And shopping in Saks does the
same thing. Just sayin.
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
-- John 10:10 NKJV
God loves you and wants you to experience peace and life -- abundant and eternal.
-- Billy Graham
We honor God by asking for great things when they are a part of His promise. We dishonor Him and cheat ourselves when we ask for molehills where He has promised mountains.
-- Vance Havner
Greatness occurs when your children love you, when your critics respect you, and when you have peace of mind.
God is the giver and we are the receivers; and it is not to those who do great things, but to those who "receive abundance of grace, and of the gift of righteousness," that richest promises are made.
-- Hannah Whitall Smith
You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.
-- Oprah Winfrey
More from God's Word
And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.
-- 2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
-- Matthew 7:7-8 NIVA
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I found this song by accident. My little sister is very controlling over her car radio and sometimes she forces you to listen to things that you may not want to listen to out of spite. Needless to say, on this occasion I was happy that she chose to do just that. Many times we forget or choose not to remember why we do the things we do and why we live the life we live.
I try and listen to this song to start my day. It's very simple. Very catchy and extremely important to remember.
Make me Invisible. It's not about me. You've given me this stage to introduce you.
The lyrics are below.
...A total eclipse has just begun.
We blocked out the Son.
Can't be live this is what we've come to.
So you think that you're a star?
But the real star has some scars.
On His hands and feet where the nails went through.
God is headlining this show.
To introduce Him's what I'm here for.
So without further delay...
It's time to take to the stage!! And I'll move out the way.
So that they only see, You that's inside of me!!
Don't let me block the view. That's not what I wanna do.
I gotta be seen through. Make sure they're seenin' You.
Make me invisible.
The crowd applauds, and now you're on.
They start to play your song.
But did He even come along? Or did He get left behind?
The day that you decided, that you would outshine His light?
But He's headlining this show.
To introduce Him's what I'm here for.
So without further delay... It's time to take to the stage.
And I'll move out the way.
So that they only see, YOU that's inside of ME.
Don't let me block the view.
That's not what I wanna do.
I've wanna be seen through.
Make sure they're seeing YOU.
Make me invisible... Make me invisible.