Thursday, February 9, 2012

...but JOY comes in the morning.



So I promised that I wouldn't use my blog to bash people or to make it negative in any way. But my feelings are hurt, and it's my blog, and I just wanna get it off my chest so I can move on. Bear with me.

Steven Russell Jr. is a coward. And a big one. I haven't spoken out about him or even mentioned his name in over 2 years, but finally after the past week I had, I finally want to say it out loud. I'm angry...I'm still hurt, and no, I'm not over it. I'm not saying that it's right or that I even want to still have these feelings but they're there and they're real.

Here's the link for the news article and story from the trial.

Jury convicts former Iraq veteran

Steven Russell Jr. was convicted of Capital Murder which carries a life sentence without parole, plus an additional 15 years for use of a firearm.

2 years ago it felt like someone cut off my arm and I had to get used to living without it. That pain, hopefully, I'll never feel again. But this past week in Arkansas, sitting through trial, having to control my emotions and not being able to say anything at all, just felt like someone was taking a knife and stabbing it into the wound in my arm. Yes it had healed a little in the two years, but it's still excruciatingly painful.



I've never had an experience such as this and don't wish it on my worst enemy. I think Steven is a coward for taking Joy's life two years ago. I think he's a coward for using a weapon, multiple times to end her life. Also a coward, for not admitting to what he's done and trying to use a mental insanity plea to cover up what he did. And to add insult to injury, he pleads not guilty, and makes all of Joy's family and friends go through a trial that will never bring her back, and also have to hear and see pictures of such a gruesome crime. That's just mean and such a cowardly thing to do.

Joy's life meant so much to so many people. And Steven didn't care. I'm relieved that they jury of 12 decided that Steven no longer can discount that there are laws in this country he must abide by to be a member of society. And for violating that, he is going to spend the rest of his life in prison. I am not celebrating that fact, but it does bring a sense of peace to know that some other young, intelligent, important female will never again suffer at his hands. No one else will be victim to Steven Russell's continued ignorance of justice and what's right and wrong. Thank you jurors for changing your minds at the last minute and convicting him of Capital Murder instead of the lesser charges. It is because of you, Joy's family and friends have a small sense of closure in this matter.





His conviction cannot bring her back, and I wasn't looking for it to do that. But it renews my faith in what's right and what's wrong. What he did was wrong and for that there are consequences. Sometimes major ones. My beliefs in the justice system have been renewed. And I do feel like we attained Justice for Joy. I can't explain the feelings that went through my body after hearing the judge announce a guilty verdict. I had already convinced myself that the jury had decided on a lesser sentence as all of the reports convinced us of a hung jury (meaning the entire process would have to start over if they couldn't reach a verdict) and I sincerely didn't want to go through that again. It literally took a miracle for all of them to be convinced within a matter of 10 minutes. I'll never forget it.




Joy would've been so proud of all her friends and family coming together. Not only to encourage each other through this immeasurably hard time and the pain Steven's family put us through but also to share some laughs (Isaac) and enjoy being around one another. Nonetheless, Joy was full of just that...pure Joy and we experienced that while in Arkansas.

I can still honestly say, I do not like the state of Arkansas, and don't have any intentions of revisiting. However, after debating whether or not I was strong enough to attend the trial, and worrying if this experience was going to send me back over the edge, I am happy to say I made the right decision. I'm glad I was there, to support Joy, her family, and the fight for justice. Yes, it was hard, yes, the pain was too much at times, but I wouldn't trade the feeling of knowing more about what happened that night than just playing it over and over in my head trying to hypothesize about it for anything. I know she's in heaven and is in no more pain. I take comfort in that and that I'll see her again someday.




Joy, I love you and I'll never forget our last conversations. I'll cherish them always. We wanted what was best for each other and Steven wasn't it. I hate what he did to you and I'm sorry there wasn't something I could've said or done to ensure that you were still here today. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I'm sorry you ever met him. I promise that I won't hold this grudge forever, but I'm just not ready to forgive. I've already had to let go of you once. The trial ending felt like I had to let go of you all over again. I think by moving on and forgiving him will signify letting you go for the third and final time. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that.



So I'll just pray. And ask for God's help with this one. Cuz it's a doozy. But a new friend gently reminded me yesterday that we don't go through what we do for ourselves but for others. For that, I'm compelled to share my story...not only the good times when everything is going great, but the hard times, when it feels like I can't go on.

Ladies, you know when it's time to leave a relationship, don't wait. He's not the one for you. And friends, don't be afraid to tell your girlfriend what you think about her relationship/guy if you think he's unhealthy for her (I'm not saying be messy) but tell your friend in love.

If I've helped anyone, or you need someone to talk to, please know that I'm here. I don't know your story, but I know pain, and I can listen. Please pray for me and I'll do the same for you.

I'd like to share some of the good memories we made while we were together in Little Rock.




Headed to Little Rock.



On the road again

Joy Alexandria Owens
April 9, 1985-November 3, 2010

"This JOY that I have, the world can't take it away.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful and honest tribute to a beautiful person. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete