But this is troubling to me. This seriously bothers me..not knowing where you are gonna call home in a few days, $.16 to your name, and horrid credit is a problem renting an apt in NYC, just saying. There are some difficulties. There is some uncertainty. Yes I am a believer, yes I am a generally happy and positive person, but good grief can a girl grieve? Can a chick be given some slack and not be happy just for a minute. No I'm not perfect, never claimed to be...seriously I'm testy, moody and emotional right now so why test me? I might have even snapped at my mama today :( Why put urself in that position?
If you know me and you know me well...why do you push the buttons you know are going to irritate me? Make me not wanna talk to you..and then get mad cuz I don't wanna talk? I simply cannot understand...it's weird. I just want to be heard, want my feelings validated (cuz guess what, they're real) and you don't have to solve all solutions, sometimes listening is simply enough. Berating me, fussing, asking me a whole bunch of questions....um, not so helpful.
Wanna be helpful...laugh with me. Laugh at me. Gimme a hug. Say, "dang that sucks" Look up apts on craigslist u think I might like. These are things that would be helpful. Saying what I'm going thru is tiny and not a big deal...not a good look. Makes me wanna take my feelings and go home. Go talk to somebody else who gets it. Who understands I'm not looking for a magic wand, not looking for you to solve my problem, not even looking for you to do it for me. Offering a hand...awesome. Just listening...that's good enough for me.
Make things better not worse. Is that too much to ask?
I think it makes it harder to accept people not listening to me cuz I'm such a great listener. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I know that people talk to me about whatever big or small and I give them my undivided attention. And I don't make them feel judged about whatever they're telling me, I don't make them feel uncomfortable, I don't discount whatever they're going thru, tell them about my problems instead, make it all about me, I don't try and solve the problem-if I can help I absolutely do, if I can't and I know somebody who can, I'll point them in the direction of someone who can. So when people don't listen to me or I feel like I can't talk to you, that bothers me more than anything. Yes, I don't mind listening to you and being there for you and what's going on with you but when I need someone to listen to me and you can't do that....it almost always turns back into what's going on in ur life, the trials ur having right now...that's kind of a lop-sided relationship. No reciprocity of 'getting things of ur chest' which is monumentally important. At least that's what I think.
Guess I have to be fearless, doubtless, positive, happy, upbeat, chipper, up at all times in order to please some people. Can't be the 'real' u which has doubts sometimes, which cries sometimes, which is unsure at times around everyone. Even people that call themselves your friend. That sucks.
All that to say, no. Haven't found an apt yet. Still on the search. OMG!!
I saw one apt that was beautiful and another that I was itching to get out!! Literally ITCHING!! There was plastic covering everything from the furniture to the floor...couldn't do it. It was actually a converted one bedroom into 'two' Homegirl was really nice helpful but lived in the living room behind blinds. Don't mean to be stuck up but c'mon son, that's not ok.
I'm gonna apply for this app with the city...apparently there's these apartments that are really nice but are based on your income and it's by a lottery. I really hope I get one of those!!
Whatever it is...God...I could really use a break...just sayin...now would be GREAT!!
You can't give up!..We have all been through it.I came here with a dream and only $500 and 2 years later, I am still here and loving every minute of it!..The expereinces you have here will build your character and shape you for the better. I know this city is very testing and things seem overwhelming, but I promise you once you get over the hump, you truely feel like you can take on anything. I know how tidous and tiring aparment hunting is. I movd around 4 times before finding a place of my own. I lived with all types of people in different places before I setteled in. I had bad credit, no support, and I still managed to get through it..Trust me God is not going to bring u this far to just leave u hanging. Just check evertything on craigslist (if you havent been already) like Subleases, temporary houssing, roomates.com, nofee.com, and you canalso check the NYC gov.com website for avaibale housing in the city. Worst case senario, u crash on someone's couch. Your more than welcome to crash with me and I know Tawny would extend the same hand b/c I almost needed to at one point when I first got here..Just hang in there and stay persistant and faithful and I promise you something will come through..call u tommorrow..Smooches!
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