Friday, June 11, 2010

Choices

Relationships...admit it. You knew it was coming. And this won't be the last of it.

I will preface this by saying..no I am not a relationship expert, and no I do not have all the answers..you know what I'ma stop saying that (yeah I said I'ma...I say that too) this is my blog...I have an opinion, you don't like it don't read it.

So I had an interesting conversation recently with an older (not old but older...like 40) and we got to talking about how he and his girl had been together for 18 YEARS!!!! I couldn't believe it, he was saying they'd been together blah blah for a really long time and I was really inspired by the longevity of his relationship. So me, being the wedding lover that I am asked were they married. TO MY HORROR he said no.

Let's all take a pause for a moment for effect....

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!??!! 18 YEARS AND YOU DIDN'T MARRY HER!!?!?! I couldn't believe it. I think I just stared at him for awhile thinking to myself...for real? Like for real? 18 years?

And I ask him....well did she ever bring it up? You guys ever think about getting married? He said yeah, she's brought it up, especially when her younger brother got married and we've had our ups and downs.

So no, this is not a man bashing blog...and he's a really great guy so I won't dog him out.

But I'm left to wonder....why? Why not get married, make it legal after so long of a commitment? And he made a valid point saying if it's not broke then why fix it? But still in my head, in my world...marriage has always been the goal. Thru the kids and trials, and the ups and the whatevers...there is still a committment made before God, each other, and our families that says "til death do us part". True indeed he could dip out the next day and the wedding could have been for nothing (which is also how he feels) but at the same time he could do that tomorrow. What's making him stay today is the same thing that would make him stay AFTER the wedding. A choice.

But aside from the wedding he was talking to me about how she's a 'housewife' which kinda got me too. He was concerned that she's gonna really be messed up if anything happens to him. Which is totally TRUE!!!

How you not working and you don't even have a husband?

I dont' mean to judge but at what point did it get like that? How does one become comfortable with that as their reality? But at the end of the day he loves her and he says she starting now to get it together (their son is now 16...I'm just saying) so I wish them all the best and whatever goes on in their relationship has nothing to do with me and they deserve all the happiness in the world. I simply learned something about myself in that conversation.

And in an interesting turn...a lady that I know is leaving her position (a really good one at that) and going home to be a full-time mommy. When I asked her how she made that decision, she says she didn't. That her husband made it for her. That he noticed how busy she is all the time, how she doesn't really have time for her new (16 month) son and barely spends anytime with them. He gave her the option to get out. And an option she promptly took.

Although she's a little nervous about being a full-time stay at home mom, she must love it. And she never thought she would have kids, shoot she never thought she would get married, so I guess that's the beauty of life...to roll with the things God gives you. A successful husband that can make that suggestion in this economy and a beautiful (I mean gorgeous) baby to share that journey with.

But what inspired me about her story is that I feel like she has it all. Clearly I don't know what goes on in her home, but to me that signifies strength. She has worked pretty much her whole life and can afford to shop wherever she wants and has done all the traveling and seeing as much of the world that she wants, and also climbed the corporate ladder.

And when the time came to put on her mommy hat...she's giving it all she's got. To have that option amazes me.

That's why I'm not in a rush to get married or have babies or struggle with either of them. When the time comes my time will come (note to future husband I need at least 3 carats) and when the time comes. I hope to also be able to put aside all my accomplishments, for a season, and donn my mommy hat to give it all I got.

These two women are bright, intelligent and have men in their lives that they love. But their stories are vastly different. And to me that teaches the importance of choice. What you choose today and choose everyday affects tomorrow. Not saying that I make all the right choices or that one is happier than the other cuz there's no way to know that. But it inspires me to choose carefully and cautiously.

Now I gotta run cuz I have to clean my apt and make dinner! More to come!

2 comments:

  1. so i have this word doc that i have kept since senior year in high school when we had to pick our quotes for the annual. i have added to this doc throughout the years with lyrics, quotes, etc if they mean something to me. i have to tell you, that i have already taken two quotes from Miss Lenore! i love it.

    I'm in agreement with you on both your points here....and their commonality with one another. i LOOOOVE IT!

    No matter what you do with this blog, you have definitely affected one person and helped me out soooooooo very much!

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  2. i sure hope you're not getting texts everytime i post! ha! it's 1:31 am CST! You best be gettin your beauty sleep missy!!! ha! like you need it!

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